Abortion: How Do We Refocus the Conversation?
Part I of IV in the series - Abortion: Refocusing the Conversation with Judgment-Free Compassion
My goal for this four-part series is to encourage us to step away from the political, religious, and legal battles over abortion and consider the impact our discourse and political efforts have had on women who have either had an abortion or found themselves navigating life as a single mother. Thank you to the women who have shared their stories with me over the past four years. I hope my words honor the often wrenchingly painful stories. I am grateful for those who have supported me in healing and writing this series—both men and women. May we always choose to lead with non-judgmental compassion.
While the topic of abortion has been an ever-present part of my adult church experience, it was developing an understanding of the impact of trauma that allowed me to explore the topic differently—with more curiosity and compassion. Because we are once again facing the political abortion debate, I am choosing to step into the arena for one specific purpose—to provide different perspectives in hopes of changing the abortion conversation to a place of judgment-free compassion.
This purpose does not include changing anyone’s mind about the “rightness” or “wrongness” of abortion. Those who attend the wide spectrum of church denominations have varied beliefs about abortion. The vast majority would say they desire for all babies to be born and thrive. Beyond this baseline belief, there are varying views on when life begins and at what point a fetus is a viable human being. Also, some view abortion as a moral decision while others do not. Many believe the woman should have agency over her body while others believe this does not apply to a fetus. All of these views are present in the church body.
People who have any of the views listed above, strongly believe their view is the correct one. They would likely be able to give biblical and/or scientific evidence to support the view. It is extremely doubtful that anything said on social media or Substack will change a personal view based on a religious or moral belief. The problem is that strongly held views leave little room to consider other perspectives.
For all the above reasons, debating various viewpoints is not helpful. This is especially true when pregnancies are terminated for medical reasons. Also, no legislation or moral/religious teachings have ever stopped abortions. The truth is that abortions happen, and they have occurred since the beginning of time. The moral outrage over abortions has not reduced the number—in fact, it is quite the opposite.
Since my point is only that abortions happen—which is obviously true, I offer the following resource—with many embedded links—for those who desire to explore the topic of the Christian response to abortion further. See The Pro-Life Fracture.
One more thing that I am not trying to do is change what a woman believes about the termination of her pregnancy. While some women I talked to shared very traumatic stories, many others experienced little to no physical or emotional trauma. Not all women believe abortion is a spiritual, ethical, or moral issue. Some I talked to did not consider the pregnancy to be at a point of viability. Others felt they made the very best choice under the circumstances. They usually relayed that they refused to accept the shame narrative and were at peace with the abortion.
The years I spent in conservative churches did cause me to rumble with these conversations a bit. Ultimately, I realized that my own beliefs about abortion were just that—mine. Their beliefs were just that—theirs. By setting aside my conditioned response that told me everyone should believe like I did, I was better able to define my focus and purpose. Consistent with Trauma in the Pews, I am speaking in hopes that church leadership and members can do better in caring for women whose stories fall into any of the following categories:
Women who have remained silent about an abortion
Women who have—or have not—publicly or privately repented for an abortion
Women who continue to be internally tormented by their abortion experience
Women (and men) who want to better understand the implications for those women who either continue or abort a pregnancy.
My goal is to begin conversations about real women who continue to suffer because of the stances the church has traditionally taken on unwed mothers and abortion (politically or otherwise). This is especially true for the women who have abortions and remain silent in the pews. Without their voices, the church is blind to the harm they are causing.
In this week-long series, I will be answering the following three questions that are at the core of why women remain silent:
Will my story of abortion be met with non-judgmental compassion?
Will I be supported and encouraged to engage in the church if I tell my story?
Will I be encouraged (or allowed) to grieve the loss of my child?
The stories women shared convinced me that these questions—and the answers—were far more complex than they appeared on the surface. I also realized that the discussion needed to include the perspectives of women who chose to continue their pregnancies. Neither path ensures non-judgmental compassion.
For all who have bravely shared with me, please know that I carefully guard the details of your stories! I consider the stories shared with me as sacred.
I am always available to listen to untold stories with non-judgmental compassion.
This series will be available to all subscribers because I believe this conversation is vitally important to the church’s mission to love one another. I do not find many discussions of abortion that are nuanced in ways that bring non-judgmental compassion—often because the stories of the women who do not talk are not included. I am choosing to be vulnerable with my story for this very reason.
The comment option is turned off on this post, but if you would like to discuss the content or ask to share your story, you can message me!
Personal Note and Trigger/Dysregulation Caution: This series is informed by my personal story and therapeutic work to un-layer the shame imposed on my traumatized nineteen-year-old self who was groomed, sexually abused, and coerced into having an abortion. Trauma is the ongoing impact of a traumatic event—specifically when support is unavailable. This ongoing impact on my life will be the focus of the personal reflections that are included.
For an additional insights on judgement-free compassion see previous posts:
McMusing Compassion that Transforms
McMusing: Carrying the Lemonade