Creative Thursdays: A Doing Fast
Third in the series of posts that celebrate creativity and spirituality.
During the summer, I will be combining my paid subscription content on trauma-sensitive spiritual practices with the Creative Thursdays Posts. I am making them available to all subscribers because, aside from the religious element, these practices are a path to regulating the nervous system, exploring creative urges, and embracing life. Three things that often are challenging to those impacted by trauma.
The spiritual practice of fasting makes it on the short list of things I struggled to write about. My approach to Trauma in the Pews is distinctive in working with healing—not against it— and providing a trauma-based counterexample to fasting from food or other typical things (deprivation) was challenging. The answer came via a phone call while I was writing the chapter, and I have included it below.
A Doing Fast
Fasting is one way emotionally healthy people can release control. But for the exhausted adult who experienced childhood trauma, it can become another forced act of “doing.” What is needed is a spiritual and emotional fast from doing. It would have been easy after the Damascus Road experience for Paul to dive into doing. That is not what God had in mind. Paul needed to heal by not doing. He went from being the man in charge to being in charge of nothing. He went on an involuntary doing fast that helped him release his control over his life.
Going on a doing fast is part of the journey of healing. For many, like me, it is the most difficult part. Being busy is a survival skill.
Jennie had been working hard to heal and reached out to me for help. When I asked her how she was doing, she said, “I guess I’m fine. I just can’t do anything.”
I groaned empathetically. “How does it feel when you try to get up and do something?”
“Horrible. I’m sure I’ll have another panic attack.”
Remembering many similar days, I said, “That’s a difficult place to be. It won’t last forever.”
“Are you sure?” Jennie asked.
“Yes, the crucial thing right now is to rest; your body needs rest. Trying to make yourself do things is not a good plan, especially now.” Not long after this conversation with Jennie, another of my friends messaged me. She was progressing with her healing but felt stuck—so stuck that all she wanted to do was lie in bed. I understood this was a serious problem because she was committed in many areas of her life. This phase of healing was extremely inconvenient for her.
“What do I need to do?” she asked.
“Repeat that question for me,” I said.
She complied and then I asked, “What was the last word in the question?”
“Um, do?”
“Yes,” I answered. “In fact, the word do was in the sentence twice. You are healing all the ways you have controlled yourself over the years and now your body has decided that doing is not an option. Your body is telling you to rest.”
She needed a fast from doing.
For months and months, like my friend, anytime I tried to reassert that crazy trauma-based control, it led to a collapse. It is important to understand that those who have experienced trauma need to avoid trying to heal by controlling themselves. The urge to be “normal” and get back to their life is strong. Some of it must happen out of necessity but with gentleness and self-compassion. The fast from doing is like a tortoise not a hare. They need others to understand this and support them. We have a hard time believing Jesus actually meant to rest our bodies when he said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
For those who have lived by control, it can be frightening when a doing fast removes the option of forcing ourselves into action. It feels like life is over. Titration is the answer—baby steps. Annie Wright, a therapist and blogger, wrote about titrating your experience like a toddler begins to explore the world. She stated, “When we titrate our experience, we take action in small, monitored ways to adjust the amount of stimulation we introduce to our nervous system, proceeding in manageable ways to help keep ourselves in a state of emotional safety and equilibrium.”
What was my advice to both of my friends? Think of this process as a spiritual practice. Listen to your body. Figure out how to do essentials and go on a doing fast with the nonessentials. Also, try not to panic. You can slowly return to life through titration. Fasting from doing can ultimately bring us to a place where our choices are no longer driven by the unconscious drives created by trauma. In their place, we can trust God to lead us.