Healing: Doing the Work

#1 in the series Doing the Work of Trauma-Based Healing

Fifteen years ago I was in such poor physical shape that it was probably going to take many years off the long life that my genetics should have given me. The excessive weight was in part due to stress, trauma history, unhealthy eating habits, and lack of exercise but also a result of the anti-depressants that kept me functional for many years. After moving, my new doctor who knew nothing of my history of depression—let alone trauma—agreed with me about the medication and told me to stop taking them. VERY BAD ADVICE!

I suspected it was bad advice and carefully weaned myself from the medication over several months—also something that I would not suggest without being carefully supervised by a physician who understands the dangers. But sure enough, my body started to metabolize food in a more normal way and I began to change my eating habits by rewarding myself with a soda every Friday versus my daily soda.

Then I joined Curves and began going to work out at lunch a couple of days a week. I couldn't lift my legs onto the machine; getting off the floor after stretching was monumental. Slowly the weight began to come off.

Over the next few years moving complicated my routines as I needed to find new places to work out. Eventually, my family joined a fitness spa that enabled me to add water aerobics—which I loved!

A yearly fitness evaluation was part of the spa benefits. I walked into my appointment with confidence because I had come so far! The coach was kind and acknowledged my work. She also said, “Your heart is in great shape, but the next step is to build muscle strength by lifting weights or using weight machines.”

“What?” I responded, “I am not trying to be a bodybuilder.” She was a competitive bodybuilder and that wasn’t what I wanted, but her point wasn’t wrong. She patiently explained that doing the work required more than cardio. I would learn that building muscles always involved some healthy pain and distinguishing between the pain of muscle growth and hurting myself was important. But the mantra, “No pain, no gain” really was true. And the work I did likely saved my life—at the very least it saved my quality of life.

My fitness journey had been in progress for ten years by the time I walked into therapy. I was physically in better shape than at any point in my life, but my mental health was tanking. Physical fitness did not solve this lifelong problem. What I had learned in this process was that doing the work—sometimes painful work—would reap rewards. I also walked through the therapy door with an understanding of what the long game of doing the work meant.

The first step in any fitness endeavor is to “walk through the door” and do what is actually possible to do. I appreciate that my first step for physical health was to stop drinking so many sodas. I did what I could do. It would never solve the fitness problem, but it was a start. In the same way, walking through the therapy door and telling my therapist that I needed some help with the decision to sign my contract for the next year would not heal the trauma but it was a start. It was what I could do, and it was brave.

Just like my understanding of doing the work physically expanded exponentially over those ten years, so has my Knowledge of what is required to do the work to heal from the impact of trauma. I provided an overview of trauma-based therapy in one of the last posts in the series What I Wish I Would Have Known Before Beginning Therapy (see summary post).

The intent of this new series, Doing the Work of Trauma-Based Healing is to provide weekly resources and snapshots of what the various types of trauma-based therapies involve—from my experiences and the experiences of others. Also, because healing involves far more than what takes place in the therapy office—just like physical fitness requires work outside of the gym—I will intermingle additional ways I did the work while healing.

Personal Reflection: Writing this piece helps me to be compassionate with myself about how the past ten years spent healing the impact of trauma have taken a toll on my physical health. I have aged ten years (61 to 71), moved four times, climbed over mountains of life chaos, and managed to live through a pandemic. Alongside this, I published four books and shared my story of hope with the world through board involvement with the Attachment & Trauma Network, podcasts, webinars, conference presentations, adjunct teaching, and hundreds of Zoom conversations. All that takes a tremendous toll! So, it is back to the gym (etc.) this winter to once again do the work. Weaving updates into the weekly RockWall Cottage Chronicles will help me remain accountable to myself! My solutions almost always involve writing!

Note: All information and resources presented in these newsletters are drawn from my personal story and do not replace professional psychological care for mental health issues. My legal and ethical advice is always to seek professional help.