IV Pulpit & Pew: A Trauma-Responsive Conversation

Part IV: How We Were Loved

Part IV: How We Were Loved

This week’s reflection is based on Chapter Three of What Happened to You? and discusses the importance of loving one another from a neurobiological perspective. Recognizing the impact of early development is essential to serving one another and understanding the complexities of behaviors—specifically addiction.

Josh’s Reflection

Oh, the power of love! The [Chapter Three] introductory section from Dr. Perry (2021) was beautiful. That last paragraph has been running through my mind all week: “If you’ve never been loved, the neural networks that allow humans to love will be underdeveloped… The good news is that with use and practice, these capabilities can emerge. Given love, the unloved can become loving.” This sits at the heart of Jesus’ teaching and the promises of the New Testament. 1 John 4:19: We love because he first loved us. Our experience of love from God and other humans enables us to love well. All the more reason why we should love each other!

My Response

As I read this—several times—I was reminded of the example Jesus set for us by loving those who were often unloved. Jesus loved the woman at the well, the lepers, the tax collector, and many more. Our creator knew that the answer to helping others was relational. Without understanding this, it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to control the behavior of others and believe it is out of love. It is like trying to force a flower to bloom. Perry provides insight to this a little further on as it applies to drug use:

“But here’s what’s interesting about drug use: For people who are pretty well-regulated, whose basic needs have been met, who have other healthy forms of reward, taking a drug will have some impact, but the pull to come back and use again and again is not as powerful. It may be a pleasurable feeling, but you’re not necessarily going to become addicted. Addiction is complex. But I believe that many people who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse are actually trying to self-medicate due to their developmental histories of adversity and trauma.” (pp. 63-65)

Again we are reminded that the appropriate question is What Happened to You? or int he case of neglect, what didn’t happen?

More on this Topic from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child:

• Toxic Stress Derails Healthy Development

• Persistent Fear and Anxiety Can Affect Young Children’s Learning and Development

Applications for Ministry

The following excerpt from Trauma in the Pews explains more fully how this information applies to how faith communities serve others.

To understand the importance of a trauma-responsive approach to “doing church,” we need to go to a rat park. In his ground-breaking research study, American psychologist Dr. Bruce Alexander realized that rats placed in isolated cages without any stimulation chose to drink morphine-laced water over plain water to the point of dying from overdose. When the rats were placed in what came to be known as the rat park with other rats, with room to run and explore, they chose to drink plain water. It was a paradigm-shifting study in the treatment of addiction. Addicts treated in centers and sent back out into the world without necessary supports were very likely to return to the coping strategies that soothed them.

Similarly, those who have suffered trauma cannot thrive after “being saved” without being surrounded by a community that is rich with relationships. This includes a church body that accepts their story, does not assume sin as the root cause of their struggle, and provides relational experiences that begin to rebuild decimated foundational building blocks of trust. To do this, the church will need to take the propensity to judge, based on the sin narrative, and bury it in the deepest sea. All behavior is rooted in prior experiences and the body’s adaptive stress responses, both healthy and unhealthy.

Without a basic understanding of neurobiology and the impact of early life experiences, we risk unintentionally causing further harm to those who are already the most vulnerable—those that Jesus consistently went out of the way to love. That he did not need to ask the question “What happened to you?” is embedded in all his interactions.

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Suggested Reading

The book upon which most of the reflections we will discuss was What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. If you are following along with this series, I highly suggest moving this book to the top of your TBR list! The audiobook is a genuine conversation between the authors—I highly recommend it!

The following ChatGPT summary will provide a glimpse at the content.

What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey explores trauma, resilience, and healing through a lens of compassion and neuroscience. Here are three key takeaways:

1. Shift from "What's Wrong with You?" to "What Happened to You?"
   Instead of judging behaviors as problematic, we should recognize that past experiences, especially childhood trauma, shape how people think, feel, and react. Understanding someone's history fosters empathy and better support.

2. The Brain Develops Through Relationships and Experiences
   Early life experiences, particularly in caregiving relationships, shape brain development. Trauma can disrupt these processes, but positive, nurturing connections help rewire the brain and promote healing.

3. Healing Happens Through Safe and Repetitive Experiences
   Recovery from trauma isn’t about a single breakthrough moment—it requires consistent, safe, and supportive relationships that allow the nervous system to regulate and rebuild a sense of trust and security.

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Josh’s Bio

The Rev. Josh Hawkins is a native of Indiana and grew up in the First Assembly of God Church in Fort Wayne, serving in many roles until he began working as the discipleship and spiritual life pastor in 2010. Since 2016 Josh has been pastor of the Fremont Community Church in Fremont, IN. Josh and his wife, Rachel have four children between the ages of 22 and 13.