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Sandy Smith's avatar

I remember thinking about this when Andrew and I were dealing with cancer. There were people who said if anyone should be healed, it should/would be him because my husband is a pastor. I really struggled with this—the idea that he, or we, deserved more than someone else. This is something that is so difficult for parents of dying children to grapple with—that God would choose one over another.

I have thought a lot over the past few years about the survival rates of African American women with triple negative breast cancer, as well as other health disparities. I think about the pressures my black friends have faced that I will never know—and the impact on nervous systems, etc. These health disparities should not surprise us because of what we know about epigenetics.

There are ways I do not consider myself privileged. And then there are the ways I know I am because of my white skin, my education, and my role as a pastor’s wife.

We have begun to have conversations with our children about the Holocaust, the way black people have been treated, and the fact that people are often treated badly because they are “different” in some way. It’s challenging to know how—and how much—to share with young children who have trauma backgrounds. But I do not want them to grow up with a white-washed view of history, either distant or more recent.

When we went to court because of our daughter’s attempted kidnapping, I remember thinking it would be good to bring others with us—to make it clear that we had a community, that this was not some “random little girl.” At the same time those words made me cringe. What about all the “random little girls?” Don’t they deserve to be valued in the court system and everywhere else? What a little girl has and where she comes from does not change her worth. Every little girl is born bearing God’s image. Every little girl, no matter who she is or what she has, deserves to be deeply loved and protected.

I was a “random little girl.”

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Dawn Levitt's avatar

This is so very true. I volunteer as a peer-to-peer mentor for people who are waiting for a heart transplant to help them navigate the process. I recognize how privileged I am to have been able to receive two heart transplants. The first time was sheer luck and I had no idea what was happening and I was too sick to do anything about it. The second time, I had to engineer my own luck when my original hospital turned me down for a second transplant and I had to move across the country to a hospital who would do the surgery. I was privileged on many fronts - the kids were grown and gone, I was able to continue receiving sick pay from work so I could continue to pay my bills, I had a 401k I could plunder to finance the move, and much more.

Since then, I have done a lot of research on what assistance is available to those in need of a transplant. I shared some of them with you via Substack message.

I wish both you and your husband a great deal of strength and luck as you move forward with this process. It is arduous in the doing, but rewarding in the long run.

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