McMusing: How Love Gets Twisted into Hate

What it means to love our LGBTQ+ Neighbors

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

Over the past six months, though concerned, I have rarely lost sleep over my husband’s illness or the political chaos that has consumed our nation. That is not to say that I never lost sleep, just not about that. What I have lost sleep over is the growing hatred directed at the LGBTQ+ communities and those who openly express the importance of loving them as our neighbors.

Over the past few years, I have made an effort to seek out friendships with members of the LGBTQ+ community. Many have arrived on my doorstep because I was someone they felt safe to talk to. They are part of my extended family and friendship circles and I have no earthly idea why they are being maligned—except that some very vocal Christian leaders somehow turned love into hate.

It began with this phrase: “We love the sinner and hate the sin.” That is judgmental, conditional love. It says, “If you do not look, believe, and act in ways I am comfortable with, then I hate that you won’t look, believe, and act like I want you to so I can fully love you.”

Jesus never said that.

That statement has resulted in severed relationships and fed the determination to be right while judging others. It resulted in the horrific practice of conversion therapy and the blanket statement, “The Bible is clear.” The only thing the Bible is clear on—when you focus on Jesus who came to show the world what the Father was like—is that we are to love our neighbors. Loving our neighbors does not look like judgment and hatred.

The politicians were quick to recognize this loophole in the Christian concept of loving one’s neighbor and they knew how to exploit it! The easiest thing to create a following is to name a common enemy. It is important for us to remember that Jesus died because the church and the government colluded to kill their common enemy. Just like racial hatred is fueled by propaganda, so is hatred for the LGBTQ+ community. To support hatred under the guise of religion is spiritual abuse.

I am confident that the fabricated false image of the LGBTQ+ community which vilifies them is being fed by propaganda because I have invested in the lives of those who belong to this community. I have found them to be some of the kindest, most giving people in my circle. I understood this long before hatred toward them became a political strategy.

During her college years, my daughter rented a small apartment near campus. One day she introduced me to the two gay men who lived upstairs. I instantly knew they would be great neighbors and would watch over her. I was right. One night not long after she moved in, the tornado sirens broke through the darkness and they came and guided her to the basement shelter. I was so grateful!

This mutual care for others has consistently been what my LGBTQ+ friends and acquaintances have portrayed. I have listened to their stories and fears. They have been bullied, maligned, and beaten. They have suffered the loss of jobs and family—both their immediate family and church communities. Due to safety concerns, some are considering relocating to other countries. This will be our loss.

Jesus never asked us to be comfortable or agree with our neighbors before loving them. He was very clear—love your neighbor, as yourself. Maybe the self part is an issue. Many Christians were taught to hate themselves. Hating ourselves easily translates into hating others. When the propaganda gives the reasons, it validates the hatred—even when it is not founded in truth.

I understand that not all who believe “the Bible is clear” act in unkind or hateful ways toward the LGBTQ+ community. We must understand that part of loving our neighbor is protecting them from harm. Silence allows hate to grow. We must stand up and speak against those forms of religion that are not grounded in love. Our silence gives the aggressive language cloaked in spirituality a pass while political propaganda gives hatred a target. The violence is ramping up—as we recently witnessed in my beloved city of Seattle.

For me, one of the frustrating aspects of this culture of hatred occurs when my intentions are misjudged because I am a 71-year-old—very white—woman. Unfortunately, it is increasingly true if I identify as a person of faith. I find myself needing to climb over the distrust that results from who I appear to be. This occurred recently when a woman told Scott and me that her partner was having a baby. Instantly, I saw fear cross her face. Had she said too much? We immediately stepped in to help her feel safe by celebrating with her. That is how we love our neighbor.

I am not trying to change others' beliefs about the Bible being absolutely clear on this topic. I have lived in church circles far too long to invest time in that discussion. It isn’t the point. The point is that we can be kind to those who believe differently. No disagreement gives us a pass to hate our neighbors. Twisting love into hate is the way that happens. Hate disguised as seeking the good of another’s soul is still hate. Plain and simple. Most will never resort to violence but when religion doesn’t defend the defenseless, all are complicit.

We change this by reaching out in unconditional friendship to those in the LGBTQ+ community who we have been led to believe are something they are not. My friends from this community have enriched my life and humbled me by their care for one another. They do not deserve the hatred and there will be increased violence unless we speak up and stop supporting politicians and religious groups who call us to join them in hatred. We are all better than that.

Author’s Note: I lived in the religious world that was laying the groundwork for what we are witnessing today. I believed it was right until I couldn't. That change came through relationships with members of the LGBTQ+ community. Before that, it was easy to fall in line with what everyone around me believed. My need to be accepted and supported in faith communities prevented me from speaking against teachings that did not lead to loving all neighbors. I regret this because the silence of so many of us has allowed some religious groups to twist love into hatred. When the violence came to my city where we—for the most part—live comfortably among the great diversity of our citizens, the line was crossed and I can no longer remain silent. It isn’t an agenda; it is a core belief that loving our neighbor includes all neighbors.