RockWall Cottage Chronicles
A newsy, sometimes amusing, usually interesting fly-on-the-RockWall view of my life as an author with updates from my Substack adventures.
The small cottage where I live and write has been affectionally named RockWall Cottage because of the rock wall that divides our side of the property from the side of the property where our friends, the owners of the cottage, live. (Learn More)
A Tribute on Veterans Day
My yearly honoring of those who have served always focuses on the veterans who are unlikely to have proud pictures posted—those who are suffering from the impact of life experiences before, during, and after their service. Understanding the impact of trauma is important in all we do to honor our veterans.
“For premilitary risk factors, adverse childhood experiences can contribute; during military service, traumatic experiences—whether it’s combat exposure, military sexual trauma; and then post-military factors—job loss, financial difficulties, dissolution of relationships.” (Source)
"There was never a question that some soldiers seemed to fare well while others returned from combat with overwhelming mental health problems. Bessel van der Kolk, in the book The Body Keeps the Score, thoroughly discussed the history of care for these veterans—the failures and successes.” -Trauma in the Pews
It is a complex problem that often involves challenges in obtaining secure housing—much is being done in this regard. In all the ways we honor our veterans, continuing to support those who struggle physically, financially, and emotionally is essential.
What Has Been Happening at RockWall Cottage?
It was quite a week, wasn’t it? The comfort of my cottage reminded me that not all are so fortunate to be surrounded by my family, friends, and animals that bring me joy every day. I spent the week supporting survivors and connecting with friends.
I distracted myself on here by posting about Seven Things I Love. It felt grounding to be reminded that my life is far more than the pain that I have experienced. I needed the pause from normal content; I hope everyone enjoyed my eclectic posts.
I also spent time processing my thoughts with my Facebook friends. By Friday, I was ready to move forward. I will explain the plan in the next section.
But first, my creative daughter and her family showed up yesterday with an idea. She arrived with a container of fortune cookies and lots of craft supplies. The challenge was to create pictures that represented our fortunes. RockWall Cottage exploded with creativity.
Scott and I discussed his fortune. We have lived long and are prosperous. There is nothing we need or want that we do not have. It feels wonderful to be at peace with how little we need or want! We have fought hard to be in this simple place in life and are aware that not all are so fortunate. Life can change in an instant. I am even more determined to stay grounded in the good that each day has to offer and do all I can to encourage those who are hurting.
News, Highlights from Previous Weeks, What’s Coming, and Other Stuff
My focus last week on my Facebook page was to support survivors of sexual abuse. I have condensed and adapted those thoughts in a post that was not sent out as a newsletter. You can access it here: A Message in Support of Survivors
Regular content returns this week. The goal is to complete the We Do Therapy Series by mid-December. If anyone would like this series to pick up again in the new year, let me know!
From now until Christmas, I will be using the Saturday content slot to compile a series that I will be posting on Facebook. My plan and how it came to be is explained below. Why a purple elephant? Because trauma is neither red nor blue. It impacts everyone.*
The Purple Elephant Trauma Series
Last Thursday, I faced a challenging moment . . . .
I am currently teaching a graduate course on Current Trends in Neuroscience and Trauma. There are twenty-seven students in two cohorts. What a remarkable group of people from all professions working hard to better understand how to help communities, students, schools, churches, etc. I was preparing for an hour Zoom meeting with each of the cohorts and was sure the student's political views fell on both sides of the aisle. While half of the nation was feeling various levels of trauma from the election, my job was to guide a discussion about trauma and avoid politics. Politics felt like a huge elephant sitting in the middle of the room.
Then it occurred to me that we are neither blue nor red, we are purple. We are human beings who are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. Learning about the impact of trauma is what binds us together. Learning how to gracefully lean into love when others are traumatized and to practice self-care and self-regulation when we feel traumatized is the very essence of trauma-informed/sensitive/responsive living.
Our job is to be the best purple elephant that we can possibly be!
I can have a personal take on this election and also enter the classroom as a purple elephant. People across many helping professions are practicing that this week. We can be purple elephants for one another. How we voted is far less important than how we care for one another.
So, that is exactly what I did. I arrived in class with my purple elephant and said, “This is who we are.” What occurred in the class was remarkable. We discussed how learning about trauma and toxic stress was helping them view others differently--more compassionately. It was two solid hours of vulnerability, sharing of epiphanies, some deep angst, and some tears about the children and adults in their lives who are hurting as a result of trauma.
And no one talked politics. I mean, there was that purple elephant, but I do not think it would have mattered. They were focused.
At one point, while we were talking about the ACE research study, one teacher said, "Why have we not been told about this? Why is this information not in every school?" She did some work asking people if they had heard of the research and if they had studied it. She asked in her school, in other schools, and in the community. She was stunned that no one else seemed to know much either.
It occurred to me that as much as my colleagues and I teach or talk about trauma, those who understand its impact are still a minority. This saddens me because the only thing I have ever seen effectively move people toward nonjudgemental compassion is a deep dive into understanding trauma. The impact of trauma was already overwhelming our country and world—it is only going to get worse.
I can be the purple elephant and teach others about trauma. This I can do.
So, I am rolling up my sleeves because I know learning about trauma can make a difference. I am going to take my Facebook friends to trauma school through January. Posts and resources will be summarized here on Saturdays.
The first assignment was to buy Trauma in the Pews if they hadn’t done so already. I will be referring to the information in the book. I wrote the book because when we know better, we do better. (Maya Angelou) We can know better.
I got up this morning, ready to teach!
Note: It occurred to me that the elephant is the traditional symbol for the Republican party. Well, that is where I voted for most of my life—until I could no longer reconcile the policies and chosen candidates with my views on supporting the marginalized and importance of character. So, my life as an elephant began to lean blue and I became a purple elephant.