RockWall Cottage Chronicles
A newsy, sometimes amusing, usually interesting fly-on-the-RockWall view of my life as an author with updates from my Substack adventures.
The small cottage where I live and write has been affectionally named RockWall Cottage because of the rock wall that divides our side of the property from the side of the property where our friends, the owners of the cottage, live. (Learn More)
What Has Been Happening at RockWall Cottage?
We await two doctor’s appointments this week and hopefully some answers for Scott’s health situation. For those following our health saga, the following is an update I posted on Facebook:
We await two doctor’s appointments this week and hopefully some answers for Scott’s health situation. For those following our health saga, the following is an update I posted on Facebook:
I have had several ask about Scott and that probably means others are wondering but not asking. I update better on Substack than I do here (in my Monday posts). He is gaining strength but is nowhere near where he was before this crisis. We have an appointment with the GI specialist next Thursday and will hopefully receive some plan of action. Bloodwork has been taking a VERY slight turn in the right direction though white blood count is still dangerously low. We have quickly become immune-compromised hermits in masks. I did manage to keep a hair appointment I had canceled twice. We appreciate all we learned during COVID-19 about ordering groceries and scheduling online appointments.
The fight to get stronger, stay safe, and gain independence is real and Scott gets a golden star. He is driving and after a week of short trial runs, he is back to running local errands with the handicap tag proudly displayed and the walker handy. For someone accustomed to being independent, it shows great strength to accept help! Businesses (such as the dog groomer and small butcher shop) have helped bring orders (and the dog) to the car. Did you know gas stations will pump gas for those with handicap tags? The car is washed, the gas tank is full, prescriptions are filled, my hair is cut, the dog is groomed, and the refrigerator is stocked. We are thankful for our neighbors and family members who helped us through the crisis and get back to some level of normalcy.
We did get snow! Not a lot, but we enjoyed it while it lasted.
We got snow! Not a lot, but we enjoyed it while it lasted.
News, Highlights from Previous Weeks, What’s Coming, and Other Stuff
I was surprised and grateful to receive the following notification on Wednesday. You can access
’s post here and read my post that is referenced in the article here. When I wrote the article about my experiences in Christian higher education, I knew it probably wouldn’t resonate with most of my readers, but I felt it was important. It turns out it was. As a writer, I often follow my instincts and never know why it is important to do so. Sometimes I am fortunate enough to find out!
Only a week away! There is still time to register for either the in-person (Atlanta) Attachment & Trauma Network Trauma Sensitive Schools Conference or the virtual conference. You can access information here. If you live in Georgia, there are scholarships available. If you live in Virginia there may be funds available for the virtual conference!
Sometimes I throw a reflection on Facebook—why? I have too many thoughts and there aren’t enough days of the week on Substack. This was yesterday’s.
Sunday Morning Thoughts:
My brain comes awake with far too many thoughts (poor Scott). This morning my thoughts are about unconditional love and why it is so difficult to understand it and to receive it. I think we struggle with the difference between transactional love and unconditional love.
First, our entire existence in this world is built around transactions.
I give you money, you give me (food, gas, commodities, etc.)
I obey traffic rules and I am allowed to continue driving.
Pay taxes and I receive benefits (the roads I drive on, the schools children attend, etc. etc.)
I could go on, but I also realize that most of us were raised in transactional homes. Our well-being, acceptance, and the love received was based on us performing the following:
Obedience
Good grades
Following family rules (spoken and unspoken)
Keeping our rooms clean
Doing household chores
Behaving ourselves
Note that all of these make sense to keep a family functioning. They should not have been tied to the love we received. There are some fortunate souls who grew up in homes that did not do this but for many, it was the norm.
Then we went to church where belonging was also transactional. We were "members in good standing" if we:
Tithed
Were faithful in church attendance
Respected the authority of leaders over us
Read the Bible regularly
Spent time in daily prayer
Witnessed to others
Followed the rules
Participated in some form of service
When God's love and the transactional love of most church cultures become intertwined, the result is that we believe salvation is by grace, but belonging is transactional. Our love for one another becomes conditional. Let's be honest, it is so much easier to love someone who:
Believes all the things we do
Follows all the rules we do
Demonstrates their faith exactly like we do
Enter politics, stage right.
Votes the same way we do.
As I think about all this, examples of true unconditional (non-transactional) love are so very rare. Maybe as humans, who must live in a world with one another, it is impossible. The cognitive dissonance that results from trying to love someone who acts, thinks, votes, and lives counter to what I believe is essential to my faith is challenging (that is not an adequate word for it).
What I fear is that our transactional criteria for belonging in churches has morphed into the idea that God does not ask us to unconditionally love EVERYONE. I cannot even type that without drowning in cognitive dissonance right now. Certainly, that doesn't mean [you fill in the blank]. Yes, it probably does.
But what does unconditional love look like? Does it just accept everything and anything is some fluffy cloud of warmth? Thinking this is what is being said is the result of believing that unless love is transactional, it is weak.
My dad preached a sermon about Gomer and the Prophet Hosea every year. It was a tradition. His interpretation of the story highlighted God's unconditional love. Other than the transactional agreement for me to not upset my mother, he lived this kind of love. It was the strongest most determined part of him to continue to love those who caused harm. He also had no issue with calling out the harm, but I never saw him personally attack someone he disagreed with and at the end of the day, no matter what happened, he always showed love and cared for them in times of distress. I feel like a small child trying to leap behind him in the footsteps he left behind.
I say all this to say that it makes sense when the church so often only demonstrates transactional love. Why? Because witnessing unconditional love is so rare in our world. We have been raised in, fed with, and rewarded for performing under the prevailing culture of transactional love. It has become the church's witness to the world. Without diligent reflection on this problem, churches will morph from "You must do this to belong and be loved" to "We will force you to do this so you can be acceptable to love and belong."
Thanks, but no thanks.
Repeat of Information From Last Week
Since new subscribers continue to arrive, I am repeating this information.
If you are new here and interested in the series that I have posted in the past, you can access those in the Substack Series section.
My main objective here on my Substack is to provide hope and insights for healing from childhood adversity/trauma and religious trauma. The world feels very chaotic right now and it is overwhelming. I usually reserve any writing on more political topics for Saturday McMusings.
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