Spiritual Practices: Prayer

Viewing and practicing prayer through a trauma-sensitive lens.

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Each spiritual practice post will include a condensed discussion of the material in Trauma in the Pews with information about how self-regulation—later on, the pause and agency—provides a path to making the practice more accessible. The weekly discussion post questions later in the week are based on this material.

What is the purpose of the Spiritual Practice of Prayer? 

The purpose of prayer is to communicate with God. The key to developing a practice of prayer that fulfills the purpose of drawing closer to God is a relationship with God that enables you to be vulnerable and share true emotions including the expression of needs and desires—for both you and others.

How can trauma impact the Spiritual Practice of Prayer?

Fear of Expressing Emotions: If you were shamed as a child for your emotional outbursts—or worse, physically punished or abused it is easy to believe that God will respond similarly. It requires a great deal of trust to express emotions to God.  

Inability to Trust: Learning to trust begins within healthy early attachment relationships. When early caregivers are unable to provide a secure attachment, this will impact your ability to trust others and God.

The Struggle to Ask: If you suffered trauma or neglect as a child, you may find it almost impossible to ask for anything. Your needs were most often ignored, and now asking and not receiving feels like rejection. It may also cause you to feel selfish for requesting anything personal from God. 

Believing Negative Internalized Messages are the Voice of God: If you received negative messages about yourself as a child those messages can replay during prayer and drown out the loving voice of God. Prayer can become a conversation with these negative messages instead of conversing with God.

How can Self-Regulation make the Spiritual Practice of Prayer accessible? 

The most obvious answer to this question is that self-regulation would help you stay in the chair to pray. True, except that answer only addresses a small part of how trauma impacts praying. Self-regulation also helps you not be triggered by the very idea of asking God for anything. While this is also valid, there is something more important.

The example Jesus gave his disciples for praying begins with a reflection on who God is. This may seem frightening if your church-based teachings portrayed God as holy and wrathful alongside humans as unworthy and sinful. This is not in line with being created in God’s image. Trauma may have harmed you, but it did not take away the part of you that God’s created. Also, trauma doesn’t change who God is—loving, pure in motive and intent, and always working for our good. Approaching a God who loves you is a much more regulating experience than approaching a God who you believe sees you as unworthy and is possibly angry with you.

Repeating affirmations that emphasize the loving character of God as well as being God’s beloved creation will help to prepare you for prayer. This won’t necessarily change how you feel about yourself or God. Accept your feelings as valid. These feelings are not bad; they simply are true. Feelings are a result of experiences or teachings. While healing, you will notice changes in your feelings.

How can you adapt a Spiritual Practice of Prayer to meet your needs? 

A first step is to assess what it is about prayer that makes approaching God dysregulating.

• Do you have a fear of expressing emotions?

• What is the image you hold of God?

• Are you able to trust God?

• Do you hear negative internalized messages instead of the voice of God?

• Can you express your needs (ask)?

Your reflection may lead to other possible questions—everyone’s story is different. The reasons you struggle are valid. God understands the reasons even better than you do and longs for communication. Sometimes climbing past these hurdles requires a bit of creativity.

While healing, I often wrote conversations between my child self and God (some are in my previously published books). Doing this was important because my wounds were childhood wounds. I also now realize I was using my strength as a storyteller to pray. Storytelling was a way to self-regulate during my communication with God. Powerful healing took place in those childlike prayers. In this way, prayer became part of my Spiritual Practice of Healing.

Can you consider strategies for expressing yourself that do not necessarily involve your voice? How could you use creative endeavors to communicate with God? Options could include writing stories, poetry, art and photography. God’s acceptance of all forms of communication was demonstrated by Jesus’ reaction to Mary’s offering of the alabaster box filled with nard. God wants you to communicate in any form that enables you to remain regulated.

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Resources:

I was honored to write a prayer for this book written by my friend, Dr. Mark Gregory Karris. (The prayer was also included in Trauma in the Pews.) If you are struggling with the purpose of prayer and wonder if it does any good, this book will provide some valuable insights:

Divine Echoes: Reconciling Prayer With the Uncontrolling Love of God

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