Spiritual Practices: Using the Pause for Solitude

Viewing and practicing solitude through a trauma-sensitive lens.

What is the purpose of the Spiritual Practice of Solitude?

The Spiritual Practice of Solitude asks you to purposely choose or embrace being alone—as a time to draw closer to God. It is best found in silence--when the noisiness of your life is set aside—even if only for a short time.

How can trauma impact the Spiritual Practice of Solitude?

The Need for Felt Safety: To be comfortable with being alone requires you to feel safe both in the world and with yourself. If you do not feel safe, your urge will be to leave solitude to seek safety. This is usually more about dysregulation than actual fear.

The Need for a Secure Base: If your childhood story did not provide an attuned adult who watched over you as you began to explore then it will be understandably difficult to be alone. Children without secure attachments have difficulty playing and exploring independently and this inability can carry over into adulthood.

The Need for Connection: If your childhood needs were ignored or only met intermittently there was no guarantee that anyone would return to meet your needs. This is especially true if you were left alone without support to process your pain. Being alone feels like abandonment. 

The Need for Co-Regulation: You may not have had attuned adults in your life during childhood. If true, your need for co-regulation became even stronger. You may have accepted a dysregulated parent as normal, but they could not model self-regulation skills. You learned to soothe yourself—possibly in unhealthy ways. The lack of soothing strategies (TV, music, games, etc.) can cause solitude to feel very uncomfortable.

How can finding the pause button make the Spiritual Practice of Solitude accessible?