This is Part IV of the four-part series, We Do Therapy series (available to paid subscribers). You can access the posts that introduced the series and Parts I, II, and III here. Scott and I are sharing both the struggles and triumphs of two young adults who believed they had found someone who would care for them. Our intent is not to offer marriage advice. We are not licensed therapists. We are survivors who hope that what we share about our journey together will help others to be curious about how trauma might be impacting their marriage. Hopefully far sooner than we did! (Please read note at end of page.)
The summer of 2014 divides our lives between BT (Before Therapy) and AT (After Therapy). It was the year we celebrated our 35th anniversary and in many ways, we were in a better place together than at most times in our marriage.
We had moved from the house we shared with four generations of our family to a condo closer to work to better care for my dad who was approaching his 100th birthday. It was the first time in many years that we had not shared a home with our daughter and grandchildren. In addition to this, my close friend moved across the country. It was a year filled with stress and we both were surviving on heavy doses of positive thinking.
In hindsight, there were many signs that my trauma was surfacing. I knew my lifelong struggle with depression was consuming me again but I tried to solve the problem by looking for a different job. It would not have been possible to identify trauma-related symptoms at that time. I described my situation in A Brave Life:
“As the dark cloud consumed me, it never occurred to me that therapy would help. How is this possible? Whatever I believed therapy might accomplish for other people, it certainly didn’t have anything to do with my own consuming dark cloud. This complete disconnect (denial) astounds me!”
The bravest thing I ever did was to make an appointment and walk into a therapy office. (This story is in my first book, Brave.) That Scott would choose to do the same two years later, is even more remarkable.
It would have been so helpful to us to have known anything about the impact of trauma. It took us so long to connect the dots because we started from nowhere! Eventually, we understood that we weren’t just dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Both of us were impacted by the broader range of symptoms involved with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).
Note: “While not included in the DSM-5, Complex PTSD is clinically recognized by practitioners who work with individuals who have a history of trauma. It occurs as a result of long-term exposure to traumatic stress or repeated traumatic events that have typically occurred in childhood. (This differs from Chronic PTSD which indicates symptoms lasting six months or longer.)” Quoted from Trauma in the Pews
The following comparison complied by ChatGPT provides a basic summary of the differences:
Trauma Type: PTSD is often the result of a single event, while C-PTSD develops after long-term trauma, typically during childhood or in situations of entrapment (e.g., abuse, captivity).
Impact on Identity: C-PTSD tends to affect an individual’s sense of self and relationships much more deeply, often leading to profound issues with self-worth and emotional regulation.
Emotional Regulation: C-PTSD sufferers may struggle more with controlling their emotions, leading to extreme mood swings, prolonged periods of sadness, or explosive anger.
Relational Issues: C-PTSD significantly impacts interpersonal relationships, with sufferers often having trust issues and difficulty establishing healthy boundaries.
What did this mean for Scott and me as we began to heal the impact on our marriage?
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