What If Your Struggles Aren't Spiritual?
Trauma in the Pews 2.0 Section I: Chapter One (first part).
If you missed the Introduction to Trauma in the Pews 2.0, you can find it here.
Emily had been asking herself the wrong questions because she believed her struggles were spiritual. What happens when we ask the wrong question? Exactly, we get the wrong answer. Well, technically it is the right answer to the wrong question, but still not helpful. If the question you ask is, “What is wrong with my spiritual life?” the answer may be something like mine was: “I can’t consistently read my Bible or pray. I need to be more disciplined.” Partly true—you may not be consistent but having more discipline (control) is apt to fail more often than it will succeed because lack of control is not the problem.
This is a better question: “Why is it so hard for me to be consistent?” If you do not understand the impact of trauma or if you listen to those who do not understand, you may be told the wrong answers that will add layers of shame on top of your discouragement.
Shame is far more than being embarrassed about not having consistent spiritual practices. It is believing that the inconsistency is because there is something horribly wrong with you. Shame will lead to the worst answer of all—that you struggle because you are sinful. This answer will leave you feeling like a spiritual failure. It is frustrating to feel this way, especially when you have tried to involve yourself in spiritual practices such as Bible reading, prayer, and church attendance.
What are the struggles? When I believed my problems were spiritual, I asked these questions:
Why did salvation seem to transform others but not me?
Why is it so difficult to make choices that I think would please God?
Why do I sometimes struggle in relationships at home, work, or church?
Why is it difficult to be consistent with spiritual practices that would help me grow spiritually (prayer, devotions, journaling, Bible reading, etc.)
Why can’t I feel joy when participating in worship services?
My answers to these questions blamed myself for not being disciplined in doing spiritual practices. I did want to be closer to God, but apparently it wasn’t worth the effort. I had no one to blame but myself since it seemed I wasn’t willing to try hard enough. This all seemed true—though from the outside I appeared to be a dedicated Christian who served God with devotion.
What is a Spiritual Practice?
Not all church traditions use the term spiritual practice. Therefore, defining the term in the way it is used in Healing as a Spiritual Practice is essential! I have intentionally chosen the word practices to signify that anything that you do regularly for the purpose of drawing closer to God is a spiritual practice. These practices can focus on reflecting inwardly, in connection with God’s creation, or with others individually and in community. It includes any practices (regular activities) that promote the healing of trauma and result in drawing closer to God.
Does salvation matter? Yes. Is it transforming? Often yes, but not always. If this feels true to you, what if it isn’t because of a lack of trying? Many who sit beside you in the pews share your tension. You do work hard to access spiritual practices. You may not be consistent—or you might be obsessively consistent and still feel like you are missing the mark. So, I ask you, “What if you are trying but have been sidetracked by the wrong solution?” What if what you believe are spiritual struggles have absolutely nothing to do with your desire for God?
If you believe the problem is spiritual, then the answer can only be spiritual. If the problem is the impact of trauma, then those practice that do help others, most often will not be the answer—at least not in the traditional forms the church promotes. So, if you were like me, you may have faked spiritual joy. Doing this results in a joyless faith and does not heal trauma.
Understanding Trauma
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) defines trauma as requiring a sense of “actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence.” This definition fails to encompass all aspects of trauma. It also fails to address the effects of chronic stress and physical or emotional neglect that most do not recognize as having many of the same debilitating effects as traumatic events.When considering the effects of trauma, it is helpful to think of a traumatic event as anything that causes you to feel threatened emotionally or physically, feel powerless, and/or affect your capacity to cope while overwhelmed. Your age at the time of the trauma is also an important factor.
Traumatic events can vary greatly and can include things like car accidents, natural disasters, and physical or verbal abuse. Anytime trauma occurs within relationships, the long-term effects involve damage to your ability to trust and creates negative internalized messages—such as feeling unlovable. Traumatic experiences in childhood increase the likelihood of you registering events later in life as trauma and internalizing negative messages about yourself.