Winter Blues and Other Complications

My January 2025 Bingo Card was Quite Unexpected and Survivor-ish

Honestly, January 2025 was a lot.

At the beginning of the month, most of what is on that card would have seemed to be an impossible Bingo game to win. Yet win I did—every direction, every line. I filled that card up completely. I didn’t even need that free-space star in the center. I could have added something else. Note that it isn’t all bad.

Life rarely is completely awful but it feels that way quite often.

Most of that Bingo card speaks for itself, especially for those who have followed my January saga. Therefore, I won’t belabor the story, but I will comment on a few things that probably apply to most survivors.

1. Winter is difficult and dark—especially in the PNW—if you live here, it is hard to explain but you know it is true. We are now moving out of the dark and into the gray.

   At one point, I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). The following was the information and treatment I received—except therapy. If you read the additional information at this link, the symptoms parallel those caused by the impact of trauma—likely intensified by the dark days of winter.

   • “Seasonal depression, also called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is a type of depression. It’s triggered by the change of seasons and most commonly begins in late fall. Symptoms include feelings of sadness, lack of energy, loss of interest in usual activities, oversleeping and weight gain. Treatments include light therapy, talk therapy and antidepressants.” (Source)

2. Trauma anniversaries are real. It seems that most of mine fall between Thanksgiving and Easter and unfortunately coincide with winter. I can now connect some of these days to traumatic events from the past but occasionally I am plunged into a dark depression that seems to have no source. If I am compassionate and patient with myself, I will most likely feel very different the next day. Being able to connect this phenomenon to specific traumatic events helped me understand what was happening and begin to recognize when it happens on days that I am not able to connect to anything. I spend the day reminding myself that I am safe. While all feelings are valid, some belong to past events that no longer threaten me.

3. Three Bingo spaces (Having No Words, Cognitive Dissonance, and Political Chaos) likely are contributing to filling in the “complete fatigue” box. Fatigue makes sense because of Scott’s health crisis, but the chaos makes recovery more difficult. There is a cartoon that has been circling for some time that says something along the lines of, “The need to be informed is conflicting with the need to care for my mental health.” I would add that the need for me to advocate for those who are being harmed can often conflict with mental health self-care. Since my primary source of healing and self-care is my writing, I work hard to balance my postings. The challenge is to avoid both extremes of toxic positivity (spiritual bypassing) and toxic negativity (outrage) and continue to do the work of an advocate.

What was on your Bingo Card for January? I know I am not alone in this struggle. Once again, the survivor in me feels pressured to be silent for the sake of survival. Yet, the clarity of healing helps me understand that the world has turned upside down when empathy is viewed as a “sin.” Silence is not the answer but choosing battles carefully feels prudent.

A study of history tells me that this battle between evil disguised as good and those who follow the example of Jesus is not new. Future generations will look back and recognize those who stood for justice, mercy, and compassion. I am choosing to show up on that Bingo card.

It is survivors who have done the work to heal the wounds who are most likely to advocate for justice and mercy for the downtrodden. We have strength that most cannot fathom. Stand strong my Brave Survivors. Prioritize your well-being. Care for those who are in despair. Squeeze the good out of the chaos. We are the ones who can be a light in the darkness.