III Pulpit & Pew: A Trauma-Responsive Conversation
Part III: Developing Rhythms to Stay Balanced
Part III: Developing Rhythms to Stay Balanced
This week’s reflection is based on Chapter Two of What Happened to You?: Seeking Balance. At the core of balance is rhythm—think about the rhythm involved in riding a bicycle or rocking in a rocking chair. Walking is also based on a rhythmic motion. When we feel balanced, that is an indication of regulation in our body. We tend to think of this as something that happens in our head—that is only how we put language to it—but regulation or balance is in the body and rhythm helps us remain balanced. Have you ever tried to stay balanced on a bicycle without pedaling and moving? Virtually impossible!
Josh’s Reflection
Rhythm is a word that I hate to type because I cannot for the life of me get down that spelling! It always feels wrong. Regardless, I will be typing it repeatedly in this paragraph because that is the subject of this chapter of What Happened to You—rhythm and regulation and their opposites. [Learning to self-regulate during] chaos and dysregulation are at the center of human emotional well-being especially when it comes to children. I have been thinking about the “Tree of Regulation”* idea. The three systems: a stress response system, a relationship system, and a reward system are fascinating. I’ve never heard that before. Those three systems at work in the human nervous system are woven together to create and maintain regulation. Truly fascinating. When that weaving goes wrong so much that should work beautifully is broken!
* “The Tree of Regulation is comprised of a set of neural networks our body uses to help us process and respond to stress . . . The key factor in determining whether stress is positive or destructive is the pattern of stress . . . We have a set of Core Regulatory Networks (CRNs), or neural systems, originating in the lower parts of the brain and spreading throughout the whole brain, that work together to keep us regulated in the face of various stressors.” (p. 53)
My Response
First an Aside: My nemesis word is spiritual. Do you know how many times I typed that word while writing Trauma in the Pews? There was rarely a time I got it correct. It was the most exhausting thing I have ever done as an author.
In the chapter, the authors explain how a child develops self-regulation skills. The Core Regulatory Networks (CRNs) require help (co-regulation) to develop. That is why children’s emotions can be very big—they are learning to self-regulate. It is the care and nurturing of adults (co-regulation) that enables these networks to develop. What does this look like?
Rocking and soothing a baby.
Holding a dysregulated child.
Going for a walk with a child who is having a difficult day.
An adult whose emotional responses are consistently over the top is often because they did not experience healthy co-regulation as small children. Many parenting guidelines in previous generations worked against this. “Children should not be coddled” is one example. Co-regulation is not coddling. It is building neural networks that lead to self-regulation.
“As we grow up, we find our own set of regulating rhythms and activities. For some of us, it is walking. For others, it’s doing needlework or riding a bike. Everyone has their go-to options when they feel out of sync, anxious, or frustrated. The common element is rhythm. Rhythm is regulating.” (p. 47)
How does this apply to ministry? Josh’s final sentence explains it. “When that weaving goes wrong so much that should work beautifully is broken!” Recognizing explosive emotions that sometimes arrive with those we are endeavoring to serve lands so much differently if we can regulate our own emotions while recognizing the self-regulation struggles that many experience. I have been on both sides of these interactions and wish I had understood this.
See more about this topic in this article: Is the Impact of Childhood Adversity Causing the Struggles?
A Final Story
Even before I began my healing journey, I felt that church involved way too much sitting—in the pews. I loved to serve in part because it allowed me to move. Sanctuaries without windows were stifling. I longed to be outside and have never enjoyed church any more than when the services moved outside during the pandemic. Now I understand that nature and movement were essential for my self-regulation.
When our children were in middle school we built a house near the church we attended. We moved in during the summer and it was close enough to walk on Sunday morning. I enjoyed those walks so much! Except that car after car of church attendees stopped to ask if we needed a ride. It was exhausting explaining that no, we wanted to walk.** It makes complete sense to me that so much of Jesus’ ministry involved walking. We have lost the art of walking alongside one another.
Developing rhythms of movement in our ministries will make a difference!
**I include information on the bi-lateral stimulation involved in walking in this article on the spiritual discipline of Study—and yes I had to correct the spelling of spiritual in that sentence.
Suggested Reading
The book upon which most of the reflections we will discuss was What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. If you are following along with this series, I highly suggest moving this book to the top of your TBR list! The audiobook is a genuine conversation between the authors—I highly recommend it!
The following ChatGPT summary will provide a glimpse at the content.
What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey explores trauma, resilience, and healing through a lens of compassion and neuroscience. Here are three key takeaways:
Shift from "What's Wrong with You?" to "What Happened to You?"
Instead of judging behaviors as problematic, we should recognize that past experiences, especially childhood trauma, shape how people think, feel, and react. Understanding someone's history fosters empathy and better support.The Brain Develops Through Relationships and Experiences
Early life experiences, particularly in caregiving relationships, shape brain development. Trauma can disrupt these processes, but positive, nurturing connections help rewire the brain and promote healing.Healing Happens Through Safe and Repetitive Experiences
Recovery from trauma isn’t about a single breakthrough moment—it requires consistent, safe, and supportive relationships that allow the nervous system to regulate and rebuild a sense of trust and security.
Josh’s Bio
The Rev. Josh Hawkins is a native of Indiana and grew up in the First Assembly of God Church in Fort Wayne, serving in many roles until he began working as the discipleship and spiritual life pastor in 2010. Since 2016 Josh has been pastor of the Fremont Community Church in Fremont, IN. Josh and his wife, Rachel have four children between the ages of 22 and 13.
Your title immediately caught my eye! I was telling someone today that I feel like I'm going back and forth between feeling like I need to keep going and it's difficult to stop at times, and feeling like I'm crashing/shutting down at other times. I was initially thinking maybe it's the time of year. We've just passed a traumatic anniversary, and I have three family members who died in the month of March years ago. Then it clicked with me that trauma can make it difficult to stop—to relax—even when it's okay. And trauma can make things seem so overwhelming that shutting down makes sense. Here's to finding a rhythm—a balance....